Two days ago, I did the unimaginable – and I am not proud of myself, but I had no other choice. This is the most difficult decision I have ever taken.
Isolation hasn’t been as easy as I would have thought.
I have already been a recluse for a long time. Since 2016 I barely left my home – I mostly stayed at home in order to work on my art and practice violin.
However – all these past years, people have been visiting me frequently. I have visited them too, on occasion. When I had to, I travelled. Sometimes I went out for concerts, rare nights out, and of course my exhibitions.
Yes, I have been isolated, but never as isolated as I am since this global crisis occurred.
But six phone calls – to my closest friends, to people with whom I talk almost daily (don’t feel offended if I didn’t call you) – well, these six calls changed how my quarantine (and my life) will look from now on.
These phone calls were the most difficult phone calls I have ever experienced in my whole existence.
I told my friends that I have decided to enter hermitage during this quarantine. I aim to become as reclusive as possible, antisocial, without any interactions with the outside world.
I asked them all not to contact me, because I will be unresponsive to any calls or messages I may receive. In fact, should anyone message me with anything that is not a matter of the utmost urgency, I shall not hesitate to block that person temporarily until I have fulfilled my hermitage – until I am ready to return.
I am well aware that this has brought pain to some of the closest people I have ever had in my life. And for that, I apologize – no one is at fault for this, yet the virus has complicated my life so much that I can no longer focus on what matters most to me – my work.
However, talking to them while knowing how I will not be able to meet them for months – or even years – until this crisis is over, or meeting them with masks and staying at a huge distance, not being able to enjoy our time, but constantly worrying about contagion, that, I could not accept.
Constantly hearing about the outside world – a world I do not have access to – was too much for me. So everything and everyone from the outside world had to disappear from my view. Until the crisis ends, it is best that we walk our separate ways.
This crisis has made me bitter. Because of this, I generally am quite easily annoyed with people who do not take the virus seriously. I do not want to argue with my friends because of this virus. It isn’t worth the risk. So I had to take this painful decision instead – it was my only option, so I could maintain my sanity and so I wouldn’t develop a very negative perspective about the entire world.
I am an honest person and I do not pick favourites. I could not choose to talk to the very few friends who accept the seriousness of this pandemic, and to stop talking to those who think it is just a flu. So I had to play fair, and stop talking to all of my friends.
To everyone who knows me personally, please message me if something important happens – but please, do not message me randomly.
I am aware of the fact that some of my friends will not agree with this, and as I have temporarily disappeared from their lives, they, too, may choose to disappear from my life – and they may choose to disappear permanently. I accept this. even though it won’t be easy, but I did this to myself and I will face the consequences.
I will be a hermit from now on, until this pandemic ends.
I will still use Instagram as usual, but I will very rarely reply to comments – I will only reply to meaningful comments – and I will not respond to most messages (although I will see them), unless it is something concerning my art, the violin, or my career. I may scroll on my feed on occasion, but not as often as until now. As a recluse, I aim to distance myself from the world and cut off all non-essential contact.
I am aware that some of you won’t like this. I don’t care. I care about the quality and good taste of those who will join me on this solitary journey.
Solitude is a wonderful thing. I am now using solitude in a pretty radical way, for my evolution – for my Spiritual Renaissance, because it can lead to immense spiritual growth. By this, I do not mean anything in connection with religion, merely personal evolution.
This is a very difficult choice, but it is what I need right now.
Most people find solitude terrifying. I don’t. It makes me more productive and it helps me focus.
What I have done is extreme. This is often the case with what I do.
What I am, and what I do, is solitary.